Im at strip club and am horny
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
