Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
