If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
