why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize