I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
