How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize