check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think my fart just growled at me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
