Hey man sorry I got all grabby
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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