hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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