i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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