We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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