somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
