i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
