My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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