Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
