respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
