She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
