it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
