They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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