Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
