Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize