Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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