put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
