If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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