let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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