would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dear god my vagina.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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