You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
