Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
