her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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