its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
