I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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