Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
