Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
