Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
