Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
