btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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