I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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