Buhtt sex?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
