i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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