my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
