I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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