I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
