HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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