Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
