I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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