I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
