I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
