I saw his package. It spoke to me.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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