Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
