Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
