She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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