I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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