You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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