pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
