I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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