Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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