Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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