it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
