she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
