Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
