is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
