At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
