dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
