Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
