today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
