He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize