Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm getting married
To pizza
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize