Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
