My brain says no but my pants say off.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
